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Tuesday, February 16, 2010

The Prince of Darkness


For the masochistic amoungst us here is a tribute to The Prince of Darkness.

  • Not many people know that Triumph attempted to market a computer. Why did they stop? They could not find a way to get it to leak oil!
  • A BSA doesn´t leak oil, it marks it´s territory. 
  • Did you hear about the man whose Norton didn't leak oil?
    The factory took it backand worked on it until it did.
  • Did you hear the one about the guy that peeked into a Land Rover and asked the owner "How can you tell one switch from another at night? They all look the same. "
    He replied, "It does not matter which one you use, nothing happens !"
  • The Lucas motto: "Get home before dark."
  • Lucas is the patent holder for the short circuit.
  • Lucas - Inventor of the first intermittent wiper.
  • Lucas - Inventor of the self-dimming headlamp.
  • The three position Lucas switch - Dim, Flicker and Off.
  • The Original Anti-Theft Device - Lucas Electrics.
  • Lucas is an acronym for Loose Unsoldered Connections and Splices
  • Lucas systems actually uses AC current; it just has a random frequency.
  • "I have had a Lucas pacemaker for years and have never had any trou..."
  • If Lucas made guns, wars would not start.
  • A friend of mine told everybody he never had any electric problems with his Lucas equipment. Today he lives in the countryside, in a large manor with lots of friendly servants around him and an occasional ice cold shower...
  • Back in the 70's, Lucas decided to diversify its product line and began manufacturing vacuum cleaners. It was the only product they offered which did not suck.
  • Q: Why do the British drink warm beer?
    A: Because Lucas makes their refrigerators
  • Alexander Graham Bell invented the Telephone.Thomas Edison invented the Light Bulb. Joseph Lucas invented the Short Circuit.
  • Recommended procedure before taking on a repair of Lucas equipment: Check the position of the stars, kill a chicken and walk three times clockwise around your car chanting: "Oh mighty Prince of Darkness protect your unworthy servant.."