I was a skinny kid. How skinny? When I took swimming lessons I couldn't even float. They had to let me scull with my hands so I could pretend to float. I was awkward, gangly, and hyperactive. Which is to say, I was very irritating to everyone around me. The only thing I had going for me was that I was really smart, something that everyone also found irritating.
Having no coordination I was terrible at sports. How bad? When choosing up sides for teams I was always the last one chosen. So bad, in fact, that the team I ended up on would often negotiate with the other team to take one of their good players if they would also take me.
The only thing I was good at was tetherball and the only reason I was good at it was that I figured out that hitting the ball in a parabolic arc would lift it over the opponent's head while dropping it down on my side for another hit. Needless to say everyone found my technique irritating and refused to play with me. I was a lonely kid.
By the time I got to UConn I had learned to be more social and less irritating but I never forgot the kid who was always on the outside looking in. I was always organizing parties, picnics, and hikes. My favorite was softball games.
What's the worst thing that can happen when playing ball? Think back to your own experience. The worst thing that can happen is to strike out! You're standing up at bat, everyone is watching you, you swing, and miss. OK, it happens to everyone. But then it happens again, and again, and you're OUT!
The walk of shame back to your team, you let them down, you're thinking bad thoughts even though everyone is telling you it's alright and you'll get it next time. You let them down.
I knew what that was like and that's why I was always the pitcher. I made sure that everyone got a hit. I pitched the ball so that it would hit the bat. I watched their swing, high or low, early or late, and made sure the ball was going to be there when the bat came around.
It didn't matter if the ball arced into the air and a fielder caught it. Or if it was a ground ball dug out by the shortstop and tossed to first base. They had hit the ball. They didn't have to feel like a loser. With a couple of hits and some new confidence maybe the next time would be better.
We all need to think of the people at the edge who don't quite fit in. The ones who can be irritating. How hard is it to include them and help them fit in?
Superiority comes not from excluding people but from drawing them in and adding to them to the group. You don't have to sit around and sing Kumbaya but you will find your life is richer for the effort. It's hard work to always be the one of the Kool Kids. And generally pretty lonely.
“There is a destiny which makes us brothers; none goes his way alone. All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.”
― Edwin Markham
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