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Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Death March Tours Application Form

Following up on my last idea here's the application for joining a Death March Tour

Death March Tours

Tour Application and Profile

Name ____________________________________________

Address __________________________________________

City State Zip ____________________________________

Phone/text ______________________________________

Tell us about yourself:

1. Knowledge
 I'm a young punk and I think I know everything.
 I'm a millennial hipster and I know I know everything.
 I'm an old fart and I've forgotten more than those ice holes will ever know.
 I'm just starting and have a BMW GS 1250 so I'm cool.

2. Experience
 I've been to Baja.
 I've been to Bushwick and Berkeley.
 I've done the TAT and was bored.
 I just park my Beemer and stand around looking cool.

3. Favorite Tires
 Whatever knobby is on sale.
 Continental TKC80.
 Dunlop 606
 The ones that came with the bike. They still have those cool little spiky things sticking out.

4. Favorite Destination
 Nearest enduro
 Nearest Starbucks
 Nearest woods
Nearest biker hangout that's cool this week.

5. Current bike
 KTM 1290 Super Adventure R
 Triumph Tiger Explorer XCa
 Honda Africa Twin (RD07)
 I told you it's a Beemer. Be cool!

6. Road food
 Mickey D's
 Brew pub
 Denny's
 I don't eat. I might get some on my jacket and that wouldn't be cool.

7. Gear
 MSR - sturdy stuff.
 Rev'It - all my friends have it.
 Something I picked up on Craigslist - cheap.
 Klim - I want to look as cool as my bike.

8. Helmet
 Shoei (red / white / blue)
 Arai (flat black)
 Bell (white with scratches)
 Bilt (cool graphics that look like a P-51)

9. Store
Twisted Throttle
 Street fairs
 Rocky Mountain ATV
 Cycle Gear has cool stuff cheap.

10. Maintenance
 I take it to the dealer
 I take it to an independent shop in Red Hook run by organic, vegan, free range, artisanal, fair trade, lesbian and trans-gender holistic mechanics.
 I change the oil every winter and spark plugs on odd numbered years.
 I haven't gotten enough miles to get the cool free first check.

11. Beer
 Panty Peeler IPL
 Rolling Rock
 Wine cooler

12. Non-bike activity
 Nitro Circus dvds
 PS4 - MXGP 3
 No such thing
 Cool vampire biker chick movies

13. Pet
 Pit bull named Honda
 Cat named Dog
 Dog named Wrench
 Hamster named Mr Cool

14. Food
 Burgers
 Sushi
 Fruit salads with Cool Whip

15. Color
 Honda Red
Artisanal Flat Black
 20-50 Brown
 Kool Lime

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